Deadend Brainwaves

Some days I think my brain has taken a wrong turn and has ended up on a dead end dirt road. Everytime I try to sit down and write, I find my thoughts are blocked by dust and debris. Trying to turn my thoughts around and get them back on the right highway is comparable to pulling teeth with tweezers. I'm not sure what has me in this quandary, but I've had enough. I've given myself a few goals for 2011 I will meet or die trying. I will finish Murderous Visions by the end of July (first draft, edits and sending to my publisher). I will finish Demon Slayer by December (second book of the Genesis Series). I also have applied to a small local newspaper to write articles about authors and their books. If I'm given this opportunity I'll be putting out a call for authors who'd like be be interviewed for the articles.
Am I biting off too much? Maybe, but I really think I can handle the load as long as I treat my writing like the business it is. As my hero, Nora Roberts would say: Sit down and do it, it's your job. Okay, maybe not a direct quote, but close enough. The hardest thing to do will be to cut back my on line time. Emails, newsletters, blogs, will have to wait until I have my daily quota. And on good days, they will have to wait until the brain deadends again.

Sigh

I'm in one of my pitty potty moods. Every word I write sucks. Every paragraph is a total waste of time. You get the idea. I really hate it when I get like this. It's so counterproductive. Feeling sorry for one's self has never gotten anyone anywhere. Have I written today? Yes. Ten pages so far. So I don't let the pitty potty stop me, it just makes me doubt myself and my talent.




What set off the mood? This is the shameful part. Someone I know (from the Internet), and truly like, emailed me this morning so excited that her email was filled with typos. Usually her little notes are perfect. No missing commas, every paragraph indented, no bad grammar. So I knew she was beside herself with joy. Her book is on the top 100 e-book best sellers list this morning. I'm thrilled for her and I told her so. Then after the little notes back and forth were over that evil little jerk called the Inner Editor started up on me. "Looser! She's going to be a success. You're just a wanna be and will never be anything else. Why don't you just give up?"



Here is my answer to Inner Editor:



Go F yourself. I'm a good writer and getting better with each book. I may never be a NY Times Best Seller, but I am selling. I enjoy writing. I actually have readers who like my books. I have emails from them telling me so, and asking when my next book will be out. So, go bug someone else. I have a book to write.

Too Long

I'm writing a new WIP, the first book of a possible seven book series.  It's taken me a long time to get back into writing after the release of Fugue Macabre Bone Dance.  I had so many story ideas jumping around in my head, I couldn't write just one.  I finally sat down and wrote down the basic plot of all the stories and then decied I could actually make them into a series.  Then I had to decide which book would be #1, #2, #3, and so on.  The last two books were easy to place.  The first one was pretty easy to decide on, too.  But the other four required more thought.  Then once that was set in stone, I started plotting out the stories so they would tie into each other.  I had to come up with seven paranormal abilities to give my heroines or heros and what use this ability was to the main plot of the stories and the eventual culmination.  Anyway, if I'm not posting on a regular basis, remember I'm writing again and not ignoring you.  I'm trying to write the best book for you to read. 

Lost Links

My old computer was compromised by some hacker(s) and I finally had to smash it to tiny bits.  (And God did that feel good.) Yes, I could have taken it to be cleansed of the viruses and such, but it would have nearly cost  me as much as this nice new computer.  But now I find all of my favorite links list has vanished.  I've lost all my links.  Slowly I'm finding the sites, but it's been a bit of a pain. 

I'm a lot more careful now as to what emails I open.  If I don't know you, your email is deleted.  I don't open links in emails except from a very few friends.  My new security program lets me know if there is a problem with a Web site before it will let me either enter or not enter the site.  I'm going to trust the secruity program and not open those sites.  I've created a new email for agents and editors only.  No one else will have this email address.  All my passwords are no shorter than 15 letters/numbers now.  They are not real words, or phrases.  Just a jumble of letters and numbers.  Shoot, even I had to make a list so I could remember the passwords. 

Isn't it sad when we have to go to such lengths to enjoy the Web?  And we're supposed to feel sorry for this guy who has hacked Government computers and is blasting our "secrets" to our enemies?  And his supporters caused a day or two of problems for Master Card because MC decided not to support him?  Oh, yeah.  That's a way to our hearts.  We need stronger laws and penelties for hackers.  It's time they are actually punished for what they are doing.  Slaps on the wrists is an insult to those of us who have been victimized. 

Fortune Cookie

My hubby and I went out for Chinese yesterday. Yes, we do this nearly every week, so, why am I writing about yesterday's lunch? When the fortune cookies came I picked up one, then for some reason I set it back down and grabbed the other one. No idea why. Anyway, I cracked it open and popped a piece in my mouth while I withdrew the fortune. Hey! There are two, I said.




The first one said, You will be unusually successful in an enteratinment career.

The second one said, Your present plans are going to succeed within the year.



Usually I get fortunes with proverbs or Chinese saying. Not too many "fortunes."



Now, does that mean I'll finally start to see some success from my writing? LOL And what are my present plans? To finish Fire Dance and start and hopefully finish Visions or Knight Midman Dark. Will I do either? Well, I kinda have to finish Fire Dance. I promised Maria at SBP, I would. And both Visions and Midman are driving me nuts to be written. So, maybe, I'll see the second fortune come true. The first one, I can hope.

In Print Soon

The publisher of my Fugue Macabre trilogy, Sapphire Blue Publishing, is going print.  Yes!  Fugue Macabre: Ghost Dance, Fugue Macabre: Bone Dance and Fugue Macabre: Fire Dance will be available in print in the near future.  To say I'm excited is an understatement.

http://www.sapphirebluepublishing.com/

Good Day

We all have days where we feel less, not as good at something as the next person.  I don't usually talk to my husband about such things.  He wouldn't understand, I say.  But last night I mutttered under my breath to myself.  "I'm never going to be a successful writer.  Everyone is better than me."

Hubby:
Forget about that person at the workshop, writers' group or the author on the NY Times best selling list.  I bet at one time or the other they have told themselves the same thing.  

Forget about what the market says.  Didn't you say that by the time you write something for the market, the market has changed? 

Forget about that editor or agent you dream of working with.  Worry about the next word, the next sentence, and that editor and agent will one day read your work.

Now, clear you mind. Relax.  Write for the sheer love it it.  Write from your heart.  Find the joy you discovered when you first started writing.  Do your best.  If you are happy then you are a success.  In my eyes you already are a success.

Okay, by this time I was in tears.  Okay, so he quoted all the things I've told other writer friends when they were feeling down on themselves.  The point is he's been listening! 

I'm a damned lucky woman.